On call last night.
Chaos.
Because of an incident with another doctor over the weekend,
Everyone is jumpy.

Could not sleep.
Thinking that I may miss any calls.

Argh.
I’m fucking exhausted.

Also dear nurses,
BSL 4.7 is not hypoglycemia.
Please stop waking the patient at 2am to feed him.
And then calling me 2 hours later because his BSL is too high.

Sigh.

9th year in the Workland.
And suddenly feeling homesick on Chinese New Year.
Have not felt like this in years.

I suspect it’s cos I’m keeping in touch with my friends,
Learning to love them more,
Learning not to be afraid of getting hurt.

I can get use to this.

On the day I finally managed to knock off work on time,
there are road closures f
orcing me to squander two precious hours
in a traffic jam.
Thankfully I brought my soccer gear along to work
or I would have been in a murderous mood.

Wtf.

Should have just stayed in hospital
to do some studying instead.

First there were none.
Then there were the questions,
And a vague impression.
Now I’m trying the dredge the boundaries up,
And I think it’s too late.
Too much confusion.

Shit.

I hate the consequent double guessing.

Very jittery and slightly stressed.
Human relations are complex.
At least I’m growing wiser
Because now I can predict when things are gonna hit the fan
Obviously I have learnt to understand myself more.

Two sides.
Fooling around and being deadly serious.
So extreme
That I think people do not know what to take.

I try to mediate but it’s difficult.
I know i can’t work with many people when I’m in a competitive mood.
For some reasons my expectations rise to dizzying heights.

What am I to do.
Gah.
The only consolation is that I saw this coming.
The second consolation is that I’m mature now to decide to work on it rather than throw in the towel which I would most certainly have done in my younger days,
And create a lot of chaotic history in the process.
But have I grown wise enough to know how to handle this?