Contemplation

Been cracking my head over the decision
To return to the Homeland to work
Or to stay in the Workland
I know that eventually we have to make a choice
Between family and career
But i have never ever thought it would be
This stark, blunt or final.

I made up my mind
To return to the Homeland
And started making arrangements
To renovate my parents’ house to accommodate the additional occupants
To import my dogs into the Homeland

And I was slightly taken aback
The locals are as rude
But this time,
With bad English.
And it dawned upon me that this was probably happening everywhere.

My relatives and my own parents
Urged me to stay in the Workland where the lifestyle is much better
I drew up a list of pros and cons
The pros of returning home far outnumbered the cons

I met up with married friends
And gradually realized that
The emptiness in one’s life
Can only resolve with a sense of purpose.
The emptiness occurs even in my married friends’ lives
But they have little time to dwell
Because they have young ones to care for.
This was a recurring theme I have noticed.

True I will be happier if I return to the Homeland
I will be busy as,
Lining my days with soccer and volunteering with the Police Force
But I know when the thrill ends,
And I’m bored again,
The emptiness will be back to haunt me.
By then, I will be in a deeper mess
Because my career will be in shambles.
Choosing to return means giving up an increasingly coveted spot in the Workland’s physician training program
And running the real risk of not getting selected in the Homeland’s training program.

So I have to recreate a sense of purpose
And slowly whittle out what keeps me going.
I intend to take up a Masters,
In Bioethics
And hopefully Criminology.

I looked up the Army
And to my delight realized I qualify to be a reservist Army doctor.
I will give that a go.

I need to regain my religion too.
Born a Catholic
Raised as one
But living as none.
I need to stop running away.
I found a group
I’m eager to meet
Maybe then I will finally find someone who shares similar values
Instead of the string of jerks I have been dating.

I still felt sad
The ultimate decision to stay in the Workland.
My heart is shrieking in pain
But my head is nodding solemnly
I’m not one ruled by my heart
And it has served me well.
I notified the hospital
And they are sending out my contract for renewal.

Then an hour ago,
I received an email from the company that handles dog importing.
My bigger dog cannot be imported into the Homeland.
She’s a Staffordshire Terrier cross
The Homeland lumped this breed with pit bulls and considers them dangerous.

And I was mighty relieved I did not choose to return.
Kel has been with me through medical school and more.
It will kill me to give her up.
So this is a sign from up above
My decision is right.

Thank you.

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