Disappointment

Yesterday after preseason
I suddenly had a bizarre thought hit me
That if I get seriously injured,
I will be utterly devastated
Cos i will waste a perfectly good preseason to train.
That was probably because I had such a good time at the new club
And everything was going well.

Then guess what?
At a futsal game after the training
I was greedy
And wanted to push myself.
I was defending and could have easily kicked the ball out
But I didn’t
Because I wanted the ball.
I was trying to upskill.
Except,
Somehow I rolled my ankle
And felt it strain.
Thank god I didn’t hear a fucking snap.

The pain was incredible.
I never felt such pain my life.
I stayed on the ground,
The pain taking my breath away.
Then I tried to sit up,
And had to fall back to the ground,
My face on the turf
Because by golly,
The pain was excruciating!

My teammates tried to help me up
But I told them not to.
I had to walk,
I had to.
All the while
I was thinking of the Ottawa ankle rules.
If I can walk
It’s less likely a fracture.
I was worried.
I didn’t want to give up the entire season.
That will be the end of my soccer.
Nearing 30 and sitting the whole season out?
It will be impossible to re-attain all the skills I have painstakingly acquired.

I could walk.
But now the pain is really killing me.
Do people reconstruct lateral ligaments?
I wonder if I should ask for an MRI.
Maybe a referral to a sports doctor?

I’m so fucking disappointed.
I hope this takes 3-4 weeks.
Now I am glad I’m rostered alternate weeks working late.
It gives me a legitimate reason to rest my ankle
Because i know with the excess time I otherwise have
That’s what I won’t be doing.

But now I also see the wisdom of agility exercises.
I discredited it initially.
But I see its importance now.
The speed ladder is gonna come out from its dusty resting place now.

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