Crisis

I think it’s increasingly evident to me that I’m wearing myself out.
My friends asked first thing when they see me, you look tired.
My memory is not as good,
And I’m certainly not keeping up with my clinical knowledge.
It’s making me look like a retard beside my co-resident.

On one hand I know it’s the locum shifts I’m picking up.
On the other, I was functioning pretty well till I started this renal rotation.
I have been forced to do so many hours of unpaid overtime,
It’s maddening.
Every day I’m staying back at least an hour over time,
And this is frustrating and killing me.
This precious time that I waste on the wards,
Because the reg insists on doing EVERYTHING TOGETHER,
Because the reg is a workaholic and whom I suspect is lonely and therefore compensates by not leaving the hospital,
Because handing tasks over to the cover doctor is not exactly encouraged,
Is really giving me the shits.

I’m so angry.

The problem is compounded by the fact that my co-resident completely agrees with the reg
So I’m forced to do the same.
It really is getting increasingly difficult to have a work-life balance.
Medicine will never be my main priority in life.
I’m not impressed with doctors who think they are superb because they make medicine the centerpiece of their lives.

For the first time in my life,
I’m thinking of leaving the hospital system to become a GP.

Something is going to have to give.
And I’m making damn sure it ain’t my sanity.

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