Moving on

So many things happened over the past few weeks.

I haven’t had time to properly reflect over those events.

I finally made the official decision to change clubs.
It was a series of small transiting steps.
I had a challenging year.
To my surprise,
My close friends in soccer acknowledged that.
I guess I was in denial that it was so obvious.
And I am very touched when they said they were proud of me,
Of finally making the decision of taking care of myself and putting my self-interests first.
Ad telling me I am one of their favorites on the team.
I guess I have been battling this uphill struggle for so long,
That i felt I was Public Enemy No 1.

When I shed tears on the way home from a committee meeting in August this year,
I guess deep down I knew it was time to go.
I have been broken.
I could not mend a broken club that was dragging me along its wake.
And I dreaded meetings,
Jeopardized precious friendships
And was consumed with an intense hatred whenever I so much as glimpsed the culprits responsible for these.
I was terribly unhappy.

The league ended.
Pre-season soon started.
I scouted around.
Commenced training with a new club.
Played regular socials with ransoms,
And realized how refreshing and fun it was,
To just play without any yelling, negativities, or bitching behind people’s backs.
I became happier,
Less grouchy
And definitely stopped snapping at people around me.

Then someone asked me which club I played for.
After a moment’s hesitation,
I told him I was from the new club.
It felt strange to have a different name roll off my tongue when I have been in my old club for the past three years.
It was incredibly bitter sweet.

I told my good mates in soccer.
My biggest fear was losing them because I have moved to another club.
I had a heap of reassurances,
Thank God.

If they knew how important they are to me.
One of the driving factors to return to the Workland,
Was because I felt I was not ready to leave my soccer mates.
Too many loose ends.

Anyway my constant agitation of the situation in my old club has not been in vain.
New policies and procedures have been put in place.
We may have a female coach,
I will definitely join them for a workout when I can.

So that’s a heap off my shoulders.
To leave a club I founded with good friends on a pleasant note.
To have the support of my soccer mates
And the privilege to return whenever I want.

I asked myself
Would I prefer to retain ownership of the club and sacrifice all the significant precious friendships in the process,
Or would I rather leave the club with the friendships I care for, still intact?
And i realized the question was a no-brainer,
The club can cease to exist anytime,
But my friendships are lifelong.

So I’m glad i made the honest choice with myself,
Of having the courage to let things go.
I’m looking towards the future.
I’m nervous
I’m full of hope.
I’m excited.
And that’s what counts. 🙂


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