I woke up,
And the first thing I desperately want to do
Is to find a chapel to pray deeply.
But such a living space is a luxury this atheist country does not have.

I need immense strength to get through this day
And the next week.
One person has never tested my patience for this long.

I have never met such passive-aggressiveness,
A person who slithers like a snake amongst people
Who smiles warmly at you
But stab you in the back,
All the time with a sickening smile.

Dear lord,
How does this person live?
I really don’t care,
But she’s out to ruin mine.

What the fuck.
Why can’t these people just deal with themselves.
Can’t they see where their lives are heading?
Even if they choose so,
Why must they take others along with them.

So sick of this.

Tumble.
Church.
Work.
Mortgage.
Fear.
Fears.
Lack of work?
Travel.
House sitter.
Unsettledness.
Personal training.
Gay?
Soccer.
Human relations.
Personal relations.
Thin. Line.
Faith.
Breathe.
Friends.
Money.
Worry.
Calm.
Uncontrollable.
Tumble.

Breathe.

Myalgias headaches and the feel of fevers to boot.
Yet the need to wrap my jacket around me in this brilliant sunshine.
I knew my time was up
When 2 patients coughed in my face
And the other two tried their best to avoid spewing on me.
Now I’m at home
Unable to work
And not able to study.
Slept the whole day away.
Unbelievable.

Spent it like every ordinary night.
Actually,
Spent it like how I crave some nights to be,
More nights to be.
On the couch with the dogs sprawled around me
Watching tv crime dramas back to back
Snoozing when I can
And of course with a plate of carbonara.

Was asked to go to the city to celebrate,
I declined.
Time I decide and admit that I really hate all those loud partying.

I heard the fireworks,
Could not be bothered to watch.

New year resolutions?
I don’t think I’m ever the sort to wait a year to do something.

2013
Lots to look forward to.
Many challenges await,
Some already foreseen.
Exciting things planned.

Definitely need more studying done.
And I hope soccer finally finally pays off.

Put up the start of a few advertisements
to sell some of my and my brother’s stuff
In preparation for the move

Some moron called me at 2am
2am?!
And I thought it was from the hospital.

In my haziness
I still managed to lecture him about calling at a more appropriate time
Shockingly he still had the cheek to explain he does night shifts hence the call.

What’s more surprising?
He did not sound drunk.
Second surprising fact?
It’s not even the eve of new year to be behaving in such a nonsensical manner.

I ended the call,
Switched the phone to silent.
He didn’t call back.
Fortunately.

People are mad these days.

I can hear my parents pottering in my living room,
As they blitz around
Doing their last minute packing.
My immediate and extended families are returning to the Homeland today.

It has been a wonderful time over Christmas, my birthday and my mother’s birthday.
There was a day I came home from work
And got really excited because I knew my parents were home.
Just the fact that there’s someone home to greet you after work is a blessing.
But I knew this was a fleeting luxury
And had the familiar dampening of excitement
Lest I get used to it
And be very sad and disappointed when they all leave.

I really dislike this inter-continental lifestyle.
On one hand,
The work-life balance is much better in the Workland.
On the other,
My family and childhood friends are in the Homeland.
This constant struggle to bridge the chasm
To plug the holes
And grit my teeth
And forget the emptiness
Can be very painful.

It makes me a colder person
With a harder exterior.